Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize