My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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