Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
