yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
