It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I am available for nakedness
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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