He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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