The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
