Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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