i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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