If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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