I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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