if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
