So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
