Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
