the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
