Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
