no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Jerry, you need to find god
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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