I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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