What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
