What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
