I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
