Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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