Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
