he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
