I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
