i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am available for nakedness
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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