you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
