you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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