I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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