It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
