Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Be still, my beating vagina.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
