Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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