I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize