bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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