I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
