She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize