he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
