its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
