So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
