I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize