No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
