I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
