I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
