Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
