glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
