conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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