I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
