my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
