Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
