i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
