I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is it penis luge time yet?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize