wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
