spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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