I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
