Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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