and next time when you feel me up, do it right
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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