YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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