would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
