PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
