ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
