Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I just sharted jello shots
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize