Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
