My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
