yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
