i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
