Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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