glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize