Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
