Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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