I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
