you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize