the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
tell your sister to shave her snatch
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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