no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You're a waste of cheezeits
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
