Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
