I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
