We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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