she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize