I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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