It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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