then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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