I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
