I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
