party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
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