Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
