It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
